A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm.
The bartender says "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here."
The Frenchwoman says "Excuse me...but that's a duck."
The bartender replies "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck."

Q. Why do French naval ships have glass bottoms?
A. To see all their other ships.

Q. What is the definition of confusion?
A. Father's day in Paris.

Q. Why do Frenchmen wear berets?
A. So they know which end to wipe.

Q. Why do Frenchmen wear yellow ties?
A. To match their teeth.

Q. How do you sink a French battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q. What do they use to hold the Red and Blue colours on the French flag?
A. Velcro.

Q. What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A. A salesman.

Q. Where is the best place to hide your money in France?
A. Under the soap.

Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A. Nobody knows, it's never been tried.

Q. What is the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A. Sunburned armpits.

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and expects all of Europe to revolve around him.

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why was Jesus not born in France?
A. Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin

In response to the recent terror attacks, the French government have raised their terror alert status from "Run" to "Hide".

A Frenchman was staying in a hotel and he called room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
No "Toilette pepper!"

Q. Where can you find 90,000,000 French jokes?
A. In France

Q. When was the last good French barbecue?
A. 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc.

Latest windows tip; Install the French army versions of your favourite programs, they run a lot faster!!

Why wouldn't the Statue of Liberty work in France?
Because she has only one arm raised.

How do you separate the men from the boys in France?
With a crowbar.

Q. Why don't cheeseburgers sell well in France
A. Because they don't smell like crap.

Q. What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of shit?
A. The bucket

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen?
People were confused about which side to spit on.

Q. What is the difference between a Frenchman and a catfish?
A. One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish

Q. What is the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.

Q. What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
A. Gratitude

Q. Why do the French Smell?
A. So blind people can hate them too!

Q. What is the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Frenchman In the middle of the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q. What do you do if you see 90,000 dead Frenchmen?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!

Q. What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry.
A. A good days hunting.

Did you hear about the French helicopter crash?
The pilot got cold, so he turned the fan off!!

Q. How do you break a Frenchman's finger?
A. Hit him on the nose (you may have to think about this one).

Q. What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A. A bisexual.

Did you hear about the French Kamikaze pilot?
He flew 30 successful missions.

A lion in the zoo was lying in the sun licking its rear end when a visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said "That's a docile old thing isn't it?"
"No way," said the zoo keeper, "it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a Frenchman into the cage and completely devoured him."
"Hardly seems possible" said the astonished visitor, "but why is it lying there licking its rear?"
"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."

Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Q. What should you do if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand?
A. Get more sand.

Q. Why do the French cook with lots of garlic?
A. To improve the smell of their breath.

Q. How do you ruin a French party?
A. Flush the punch bowl.

Q. How do you sink a French battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Did you know the french invented the toothbrush, otherwise they would be called teethbrush !!